Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
