Where did you get a picture of my penis
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
