Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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