no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
