I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
