So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
