i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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