I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
two words...techno handjob
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
