return my video game
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
