But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
