After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
