I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
