she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
