i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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