okay pat passed out under dana's car
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
