Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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