): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
All the doctor said was why
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
