rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
