i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
