I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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