just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
