I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
