i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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