then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize