6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
