New invention idea: vibrating tampons
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
