Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
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Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
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I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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