What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
