I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
