Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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