if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
