he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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