hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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