community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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