He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
