For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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