I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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