4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize