you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
