a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
