He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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