This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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