You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
