i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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