Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
