i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
