Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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