please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
