i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am naked and annoyed.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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