is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize