U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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