I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
ttyl tear gas
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
