If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
