Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
