people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
