I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
