um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
