I'm gonna have a badass scar
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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