How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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