when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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