plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
