no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
