Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
