I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
