If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
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