I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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