I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
