Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
