Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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