Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
