Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
