Heybabeimwearingurpanties
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
