i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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