My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
