Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
