he puts the penis in happiness.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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